Bushwalk Australia

ribuck wrote:Lopo, I see from your scan that there is no requirement that Bungee Jumping be undertaken with ropes.

LOL! I missed that! Also, snow skiing has no skis, scuba diving has no tanks, no raft, no horse, no sail and no bike. Sounds safe to me.

How do you make a cat go 'Woof'?
Soak it in petrol and then throw a match on it.

How do you make a dog go "Meow'?
Run over it quickly with a circular saw.

I was sick bushwalking alone. I decided to get a dog.
I knew an old blacksmith, who was giving his old dog away. I went to visit him and ended up taking the old dog home.
As soon as we got inside, he made a "bolt" for the door.



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A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump. At the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him. He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!" A shot rang out and Trump fell dead. As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted Mickey Mouse. "I'm sorry" he said, "I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'"

From our six year old:

Why did the spider cross the road?
He wanted to find a new website.

From our ten year old:

Why can't you run in a camp site?
You can only ran past tents.

Those are great, Zzoe. Young children love word play, don't they?

ribuck wrote:Those are great, Zzoe. Young children love word play, don't they?

Yes, but people who are not actually a father should not tell Dad jokes. That would be a "faux pa".

I will see if we can have a groan button installed.

Lophophaps wrote:I will see if we can have a groan button installed.

No need. BYO.

Stealing this one from a mate
Q What happens when a frog parks illegally in a handicapped space
A It gets toad away

Well there is a snack that I see no mention of so far. It is very popular in certain ethnic areas of Melbourne and should catch on soon, it used toi be very popular in Paris or so I have been told
After all everybody has heard about the Barker Roll

For the cat people both lovers and haters

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?" The cat says, "A shot of rum." The bartender pours the cat his drink. The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table. "Another."

Why are pirates called pirates?

Neo wrote:Why are pirates called pirates?

I''ll probably regret this. OK why are pirates called pirates?

Moondog55 wrote:For the cat people both lovers and haters

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?" The cat says, "A shot of rum." The bartender pours the cat his drink. The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table. "Another."

Huh!!! Did you finish typing this joke or am I just a bit slow today?

johnw wrote:

Neo wrote:Why are pirates called pirates?

I''ll probably regret this. OK why are pirates called pirates?

AAAARRRRRRRRRR That would be the telling that would

johnw wrote:

Neo wrote:Why are pirates called pirates?

I''ll probably regret this. OK why are pirates called pirates?

I'll tell you for a Faaaaaarrrthing

MickyB wrote: Huh!!! Did you finish typing this joke or am I just a bit slow today?

Cats have a habit of watching something (for egs on a table) for a while then gently sliding it off the table and watch it crash to the floor. They swipe with their front paw.
Can be quite amusing, especially when they look at you whilst doing it.

Because they arr

What's brown and jumps a motorcycle over your trail mix at 100mph?

If your trail mix has gone rancid.... evil the weevil?

Weevil Knievel

That's my two jokes.
Next!

If you're going to try cross-country skiing, at least start with a small country.

A bushwalker arrived at the Nattai River when it was in flood. Seeing another bushwalker on the other bank, he shouted out "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"

The other bushwalker thought about it for a bit, then shouted back "I think you are on the other side".

Bob and Betty went bushwalking one weekend. Bob returned late on Sunday night, carrying two backpacks. His family asked what happened to Betty. "She had a massive heart attack," replied Bob, "She just collapsed on the track and died."

"Do you mean to say that you left her there, and brought back her backpack?" they asked.

"It was a difficult decision," explained Bob, "But I figured that no-one would steal Betty."

Tom and Harry walked from Govetts Leap, and arrived at Acacia Flat campsite just as a huge storm broke and the heavens opened. What's worse, they discovered that they had forgotten to pack their tent.

The only other person at the campsite was a very attractive lady who had a tent that seemed easily big enough for them all, so Tom and Harry asked her if they might share it.

"I realise it's terrible weather outside and I have this huge tent all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid I just couldn't let you stay in my tent."

"Don't worry," Tom replied. "We'll be happy to sleep in the vestibule. And we'll be gone at first light, so you can still cook your breakfast there."

The lady agreed, and the two men squeezed into the vestibule and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had improved and, as promised, they got on their way and enjoyed a great walk out back to Govetts.

Nine months later, Harry got an unexpected letter from a lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was about the attractive widow they had met while bushwalking.

He phoned his friend Tom and asked, "Tom, do you remember that good-looking widow who let us sleep in her tent vestibule when we were walking in the Grose Valley?"

"I sure do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, and pay her a visit in her tent?"

"Yes," Tom said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her yours?"

There was silence on the line for a moment or two then Tom said, "Yeah, sorry pal. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything!"