Snow Makes Great Bum Wipe!

[Son of a Beach]

WARNING: If you don't want to read intimate details of the bum wiping process, do not read any further.

Well, I got caught out a couple of hours from my toilet paper and trowel (there was nowhere to dig really anyhow), but desperately needed to go yesterday. I knew I'd never make it back in time, so having heard that snow should be good for it, and with plenty of snow around, I decided I had no choice but (butt?) to try. FlyFisher kindly offered me some hand wipes to use which he happened to have in his day pack, just in case it didn't work out and I needed something more.

So I found a spot where I hoped nobody would stumble upon my poorly-buried pile and set to, right next to a handy snow drift.

I found that the snow worked exceptionally well. Of course it was a little scratchy, and very cold, but very effective. I followed up with one of the wipes FlyFisher had given me, but I found that it was so clean after use that I could have folded it back up and put it back in the packet, and FlyFisher would have been none the wiser.

Now there are a few caveats with wiping style...

Unless you use paper differently to me, you'll generally use the fingertips to apply some pressure to the bum through the paper. Naturally, this ain't going to work with Snow, as the fingers would go right through. Instead you have to cup it in your hand, and apply even pressure with the cupped hand to the entire snow ball. This way, the required pressure of snow against bum is achieved, without any fingers coming into contact with poo.

The other tip from my experience is to avoid compressing the snow ball too much before wiping. You want the snow to be able to mould itself into the shape of your bum crack on it's way into the wipe to be effective. However, don't leave your snow ball too loose, as I would imagine that it may fall apart at the critical moment if you weren't careful. I was fortunate in that my particular snow drift was fairly compact already.

So in conclusion, snow as bum wipe is highly recommended, perfectly environmentally friendly, and not really unpleasant enough to be of any concern. In future, I will actually use it in preference to toilet paper if there is a choice.

[corvus]

SoaB what with barefoot walking and snow wipes ru going feral

Brown snow- eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Fiona]

I am very curious as to where you found out snow would be good for that application. It brought a smile to my face to imagine you doing that. It could have been worse. You could have told us how you just used your fingers and then wiped them on leaves or something.
Fiona

[walkinTas]

WARNING: If you don't want to hear about intimate details of the bum wiping process, do not read any further.

Excuse me Mr. Moderator. How come BUM gets past the swear filter and *&%$#! (A S S) doesn't?

[corvus]

wT you have got learn to talk the talk arsenal is a good substitute and you must realise that in the USA a BUM is a Hobo dont know about A r se though
Fiona the snow wiper is one of the latest contributions from our Ultralite friends from over there

[Son of a Beach]

Yesterday afternoon, when my wife asked if I'd received many replies to this topic, I said that there weren't many yet, and I'd expected a lot more smartass comments. She said, "smartass... heheh... smartass'', gettit? Doh!

[delphin]

Ok Nik - Rated - that's just brilliant.
I don't think it'll help with toilet training the biggest little BT girl but you could put in a freezer in the loo...
I can just imagine your face after successfully doing it to - VBG...
crazy git.

btw - why are your smilies not as good as the FLF ones?

[Son of a Beach]

Ok Nik - Rated - that's just brilliant.
I don't think it'll help with toilet training the biggest little BT girl but you could put in a freezer in the loo...
I can just imagine your face after successfully doing it to - VBG...
crazy git.

Maybe I should install a snow-cone maker in the bathroom?

btw - why are your smilies not as good as the FLF ones?

Just using the standard ones here. Haven't bothered replacing them with alternatives.

[delphin]

Snow cone maker in the bath room...
(COLD) GOLD!!!

[neilmny]

Just had to bum p this

[walkon]

Had snow baths whilst snow camping and have to say that it worked a treat, out for just over a week and fresh as a Daisy. Snow does a good job for bum wipes though still used tp mostly.

[icefest]

I tried this over winter...

All I can say is, make sure you have enough snow in your hand....

It worked really well though.

[GPSGuided]

It's just like a cold shower isn't it? Within 1mm of your butt skin, that 37.4 deg C core temp should have melted the surface of that blob of snow. Upon contact, pure like crystal H2O irrigates the surfaces while the instant muscle contractions shakes it all off. Brilliant!

[walkerchris77]

In the army we were only allowed 10 sheets per person per day. We were told to make them last just put your finger through the middle and use one at a time.
Think I would rather the snow method.

[GPSGuided]

As was discussed in a separate thread some time back, smoothed river pebbles are good for the purpose too, especially if it has been warmed by the camp fire.

[walkerchris77]

Wouldn't want to sneeze . A pebble may go missing

[Lindsay]

I read about using snow as bum wipe in one of Andrew Skurkas books. As I recall he advised making the snow into a cone shape and sliding it along your crack.

[icefest]

I read about using snow as bum wipe in one of Andrew Skurkas books. As I recall he advised making the snow into a cone shape and sliding it along your crack.

Cone towards the direction of motion or away from?

[andrewa]

Icefest, you of anyone should know your anatomy. Backwards and away if a girl, and who cares if a bloke.

Not sure about walkerchris77 and his warm pebble potential problem, but you might need to do some PFEs if you're worried about that!

Good topic. Nice and basic, and , from spending time in the bush with a previous SAS member, walkerchris77's comment about toilet paper rationing in the army is sadly very true. Poke finger through paper, wipe, and then use paper to wipe finger clean. Show is such a better option!

A

[walkon]

Icefest, you of anyone should know your anatomy. Backwards and away if a girl, and who cares if a bloke.

Not sure about walkerchris77 and his warm pebble potential problem, but you might need to do some PFEs if you're worried about that!

Good topic. Nice and basic, and , from spending time in the bush with a previous SAS member, walkerchris77's comment about toilet paper rationing in the army is sadly very true. Poke finger through paper, wipe, and then use paper to wipe finger clean. Show is such a better option!

A

Here I thought Chris was stretching the truth a tad, no wonder grunts can be a bit special at times. Sorry for all that scaring boys. I must say I really do appreciate your service to the country though I wonder if we can do a fund raising drive so the boys can get a few extra squares per day to make their life easier.

[icefest]

andrewa, he said make a cone and wipe. I was asking which direction the pointy end of the cone should go, not which direction to wipe.

[walkon]

andrewa, he said make a cone and wipe. I was asking which direction the pointy end of the cone should go, not which direction to wipe.

Unless between your cheeks is different Icefest I thought that it was self explanatory

[icefest]

Rethinking the cone thing, I think you mean that the cone should be short and squat rather than long and pointed.
Then it all makes sense.

My bad.

[GPSGuided]

Ok, who has examined the butt in the squat position? You'll find the valley not so steep and all quite accessible. So yes, I can understand Icefest's question.

[GBW]

This sort of information is priceless!

[walkon]

GPSGuided doesn't stand for Good Perving System Guided does it gpsg. Just what ahhhh was the deal with studying the topography down there in that position anyway or shouldn't I have asked. I'm a bit scared now

Last edited by walkon on Fri 08 Aug, 2014 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[GPSGuided]

LOL! As Icefest also understands, the topography has been etched in memory. A must when regular explorations have to be made of the region.

[icefest]

Bushwalk.com the home of hardy topographical explorers..

[walkon]

rofl